Muzyckre8r on Xanga

the broken hearted girl

I now completely understand why love and break up songs are written.. and I actually understand their meaning now. It's hitting home now more than ever. My boyfriend (well, now ex) broke up with me three weeks ago from today, and I'm still absolutely heartbroken, emotionally and physically out of it, lost, confused, and lonely. And, for some reason, I talked to him. It was the longest I went without talking to him. If I vowed to give myself space, then why do I do it? It KILLS me inside, and it probably does for him too (which I shouldn't care, but I guess that's my biggest weakness). Everyone says that I deserve better (even him when he broke up with me), and that it seems impossible now, but will get easier. Why can't it get easier FASTER? I've read all of these websites that say the same thing

I'll write more about it, as a therapy for myself. If you don't want to read it, and think it's pathetic, I completely understand. I just couldn't sleep, and I needed to do something light and active before doing so. comment, and I can tell you more about it for conversation, words of wisdom, blah blah blah. Thank you

Currently
A History of Western Music (Eighth Edition)
By J. Peter Burkholder, Donald Jay Grout, Claude V. Palisca
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this is ridiculous

The past is haunting me, my teachers are depending on me and putting all the pressure on me, because apparently if I don't do it or do it right, the whole thing will fall apart! (this is for the music department at my school. Like, If I'm not there, or if I'm sick, the whole choir will sound bad, or we need you, even if you have laryngitis). I hate how everything is depended on me, even if it's last minute. Who cares if I'm able to do it? it doesn't mean that I want to. However, if I say no, there is a chance that they may be screwed. This sucks

The whole past is haunting me thing... It's been a year, and somehow, even though I've come a long way, there is still a lot more moving on in order. Somehow, I just don't know how to do it.

At the same time, I have a lot of work to do, and I'm dependable for myself. But NOOOO, I never have time for myself. Why should I? Liz can do ANYTHING!

Oyoyoy, can someone give me some kind of inspiration? Thank you.

ANYONE?

Thanks

P.S.- the reason why a textbook is the currently reading book is because I finally got it back after someone stole it and bought it back for themselves with them buying me a new book. This class is officially indenting a HUGE footprint on my ass. EWW

Currently
Alarm Clock
By Richie Havens
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You are absolutely not what I thought you were

I know you sensed me around. You know that I know I tried to be friends. What did I ever do to you so you can just ignore me? You were so great, what happened?

Am I overreacting? Then PROVE IT

I'm sick and tired of wasting my beautiful time waiting to see if you care as much as I do. I thought we had an awesome friendship, and you may/may not have thought the same thing, but at least tell me.

PROVE IT

Well, on the light side, I was back to FPU for Reality Check bootcamp. Got to see old friends and got to do a show for them. Almost broke down and lost it there for a minute over a monologue, but somehow I got myself to let it all go and get myself together to do it. On Wednesday when we had the performance, I did not expect that many people to be there. Usually, the orientation show was part of the ORIENTATION, not the second night of classes. Oh well. Like I said, a lot more people came than I expected. Gained 2 really cool freshman friends in the process, even though the class is really weird this year

don't ever live up to somebody elses expectations. You'll only get hurt in the end, and the pain isn't even worth it.

More to come later. Way to much on my mind to process

Whew! That felt pretty good

Currently
We Have Sound
By Tom Vek
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http://typetees.threadless.com/score/1625278/I_m_a_corporate_nightmare

Vote for me, and PLEASE, PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE, be sweet and don't repeat!

aaaaanway, speaking of clothes, i was shopping today, and the issue of weight came up. It's a very tough one, when it shouldn't be. However, somehow, it is. Society says that you should listen to you heart and accept the way you look, but also says to lose weight to look and feel better. Your heart might say you look and feel amazing, and yet those vibes don't come your way all the time. I don't usually take in to what other people say around me. I listen, but I don't necessarily take it to heart.

I was completely torn apart today because the clothing basically screamed at my lower stomach and legs to lose weight.. not a good feeling. Do you ever feel like that?

However, I fought back by jogging a whole mile (which I NEVER thought I could do before I started jogging as a mean of exercise and enjoyment not too long ago in the year), and basically said haHA! to my body.

That is all. I hope you vote for me, and I'll type more later. Peace